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But I knew I'd be sitting in history thinking about my pitching strategy and not history.I pulled into the lot, and saw Mike standing there waiting for me, with his little lopsided grin. I felt that wonderful fist-clench in my gut when I saw him.But that's when it hit me. Oh, shit. I have to pitch to this guy! I have to stand there on the mound and peer in and get signals from a guy who makes my toes curl. Oh, shit.Baseball and sexual tension do not mix, "Bull Durham" to the contrary. It's a damn good thing I was good at focusing.Luckily, the day flew by. At one point I realized that it was my last day in The Program. And, OK, I didn't mind the last-day fondles I got. I was just worried I'd get too worked up, but I didn't. People seemed to leave me alone towards the end of the day. It was common knowledge I had to go out and pitch at 3:30.Then, finally, we were in the locker room. Mike was taping me up. I put the pads on my nipples myself-Mike chuckled and said he understood why-but. I love you. I have to leave you something."Do you ... Do you really mean it?" Mean what?" He felt instantly contrite. What a thoughtless thing to say—why hadn't he been watching his tongue? This was no longer the sort of relationship where he could just blurt out whatever was on his mind. Not anymore it wasn't."About ... Giving to the poor?"Jon tossed a hand. "Well, if we can't use it, we might as well give it to someone who can." Wasn't it Thoreau who had said, 'Simplify, simplify'? Surely this counted."That's ... That's a very Christian thing to do," Caitlyn said. Her large eyes seemed to draw at him.Jon resisted them. Did she really need to rub it in his face like that? He remembered what they'd broken up over. "It shouldn't be that much of a surprise, Caitlyn. I do try. I just don't necessarily succeed." Do you?" she asked."Fuck. I even pray now. Not like there's anyone else to talk to out here." That was true, as far as it went; sometimes the silence got oppressive, and there.
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